Love and Marriage: When You Vow
I’m not here to tell you something you don’t already know or to teach you something new about marriage, but to get on your case. I’m tired of the enemy tearing apart families and ruining lives because people don’t take their wedding vows seriously.
Once you’re married it is too late to go back and fix things first. Your stuck in a legal contract and for most people they made their vows before God and family. There is no such thing as a perfect person or partner, we all take our issues into the marriage and now make them the other persons problem as well since we must live with that person for their rest of their lives and the truth is your probably no peach yourself.
A great marriage is when those “issues” were resolved before you said, “I do”. We never go into a great marriage thinking we can fix the other person, it never works, and it becomes a “difficult” marriage. Nor is the other person going to fix us, right?
No one should get married who is not
“fixed”, meaning having the issues healed first, wounded people need nurses to care
for them until they get better. You’re not a nurse or a Doctor, you can’t heal
your spouse or nurse them back to health in order to be married to them. It takes to much effort and time and in the process,
you will only damage your own health.
Marriage should be only for “healthy” people, meaning both parties must be investing into the other persons life. When one partner is always making withdrawals from the relationship eventually it goes negative. There must be someone who is investing into you. If your spouse is not doing it then who can? A dead battery does no one any good and wives are supposed to plug into their husbands and husbands into their wives. If one is missing the other person will find some other person to plug into.
This does not mean at times one person or the other gets a dead battery and find it hard to recharge, through a death, loss of a job, or some other circumstances, it’s just that we have to recognize that at some point we need to stop being the needy person.
So it does not matter what happened before you got married because now you are. It does not matter how serious you were or how blind and ignorant you were towards the other person because now your living with them and sleeping with them for the rest of your life.
Divorce is not an option.
I don’t care what the circumstances are, I don’t care what her issues are or his, what baggage was brought in, or what lies were told. Either you man up and fix it or remain living a life of lies. It’s your choice.
The first step in fixing what is broken is realizing You not the “Great Healer”. God is.
Everything depends on you, yourself, and not the other person to make the steps to create the marriage as one of safety and security where healing can happen. The first thing the other person has to know and be convinced of is that you made a vow and no matter what, YOU WILL NOT BREAK THAT VOW.
Is he being a slob, drunk, lazy, abusive, mean, nasty, Kick his butt out of the house until he decides to be the man You believe he can be, and until he learns to be that man.
The moment she/he believes that your willing to “give up” because it gets too hard is the day you doom yourself to failure.
When you have established and believe in your own heart that no matter what, your going to do what is right, you have established the foundation that a marriage can be built on. If the other person knows that your willing to bail at any moment it gets too hard, you built into the relationship a “self-destruct” button and nothing will ever get better, the house you build will always be as crooked as a jaybird.
As some point, and its usually should
be done before you get married, you have to decide to stay with that person
when they get sick, get old, get ugly, get fat, or even stupid. If anyone is
going to bail let it be the other person. Don’t let them off easy by doing it
yourself, let them decide if they are going to be a quitter or not. If they’re
the one cheating, you’re not the one divorcing, they are, but then that does not
mean you have to live in the same house. Let them decide either they bone up
and do what is right or they become the quitter, not you. No one is saying you must
live in the same house with an abusive, cheating, or lying person. Just don’t
divorce them, let them either decide to do it or to fix it. Stick to you vows.
Because God has the ability to fix the worst of marriages, to restore lost love, to heal the wounds, and make any marriage “great”. He alone has the power to restore, heal, and unite two broken hearts. BUT He will not fight for you if your unwilling to commit to the fight yourself.
The responsibility then falls on the
other persons shoulders to either man up, or bail – and you quit being the
No one would have bought a ticket to the TITANIC if they knew it was going to sink.
You want God to buy in, you want your partner to buy in? Then you must own the first share.