Love and Marriage: For Richer or Poorer
The first thing that comes to mind about how we keep our vows in “Riches” – is the man who wins the lottery and the wife wants it all and so divorces and sues her husband.
Truthfully though, having riches can
create as much tension as being poor. With the overabundance comes overabundance
of things. Controlling our spending and the use of credit becomes the wisest
things to do but unfortunately money brings about a desire to have, and can feed
the desire to “have”, and so one or the other goes out of control with spending
leaving the other one feeling powerless and useless. The deeper the water the
deeper the spiral when it all flushes down the drain. Riches tend to bring out
the “selfishness in people” as the ability to get what you want removes you
from a place of dependence on God. Being in a place of need pushes us to our
Being “poorer” and going through tough times of financial famine can either bring people together or tear them apart quicker than a roll of toilet paper.
The man is seen as the provider and
when the resources dry up so does the man’s “self-esteem”, there is no quicker
way to destroy a relationship than to attack the husband’s financial crisis
There is no one more aware of his feelings of failure than when a man is unable
to provide for his family so the wife has the responsibility to step in and
build him up by her words or she can condemn him with one line comments that rip him to
shreds. Then wonder why he resents her
for the rest of his life.
We don’t kick wounded dogs lying down so why do we kick a man where it hurts the worst when he is most vulnerable.
My father had a heart attack, quadruple bypass, and almost died of pneumonia all in a one years’ time and spent close to 6 months in the hospital. Mom was a nurse and was able to provide the basics but, in the end, we lose the house, car and everything else that’s not tied down and end up on public assistance in public housing. Yes, there was a lot of tension and even when the boat ended up in a positive position there was never a catching up with medical bills into the thousands that took almost thirty years to pay off. In that time real work was never available that he could do. He ended up with a stroke in his fifties, several small heart attacks, and passing away at 69 years of age.
Not once did I ever hear my mother complain.
Dad use to say, “behind every great man is a great woman.”- The woman makes the man great who in turn makes the woman complete.
The key to surviving poorer or richer is always the basis of any relationship; selflessness.
The heart of any marriage is
understanding that I make my marriage great when I make the other person great
and not myself. They in turn will make me be the best version of myself and as I
invest in to their life they invest into mine.
We call that a successful marriage.
When one makes more withdrawals than deposits, eventually the other person goes bankrupt.
So it’s not the lack of money or the abundance of money that makes or breaks the relationship but the character of the person you married.
Before your married what are you
looking for? The person who seeks your best and you in turn do the same. Once
your married all you can do is pray God is working on them and be prepared to
go through the valleys with them as they go through the fires of refinement,
and remember you chose this person and now your walking along side wherever
Marriage is about teamwork; raising a functional family
requires that the two adults are functional first. We pass on our
dysfunctionality to our children and its no wonder our children become just
like us. We must be the kind of people we want our own children to be. Being
richer or poorer is a tool God uses to produce in us his values, ones that our children
learn from and model. Yes it’s a lot of work so who wants to live alone because
that is your only other option if you do not want to work at being the best
person God designed you to be. You’re a work in progress yes, our whole lives is
a work in progress but it’s better to start the marriage relationship as whole
people and not broken and wounded. We owe it to our children to give them the
best chance of having a successful life.