Love and Marriage: For Richer or Poorer

The first thing that comes to mind about how we keep our vows in “Riches” – is the man who wins the lottery and the wife wants it all and so divorces and sues her husband.

Truthfully though, having riches can create as much tension as being poor. With the overabundance comes overabundance of things. Controlling our spending and the use of credit becomes the wisest things to do but unfortunately money brings about a desire to have, and can feed the desire to “have”, and so one or the other goes out of control with spending leaving the other one feeling powerless and useless. The deeper the water the deeper the spiral when it all flushes down the drain. Riches tend to bring out the “selfishness in people” as the ability to get what you want removes you from a place of dependence on God. Being in a place of need pushes us to our knees.

Being “poorer” and going through tough times of financial famine can either bring people together or tear them apart quicker than a roll of toilet paper.

The man is seen as the provider and when the resources dry up so does the man’s “self-esteem”, there is no quicker way to destroy a relationship than to attack the husband’s financial crisis There is no one more aware of his feelings of failure than when a man is unable to provide for his family so the wife has the responsibility to step in and build him up by her words or she can condemn  him with one line comments that rip him to shreds.  Then wonder why he resents her for the rest of his life.

We don’t kick wounded dogs lying down so why do we kick a man where it hurts the worst when he is most vulnerable.

My father had a heart attack, quadruple bypass, and almost died of pneumonia all in a one years’ time and spent close to 6 months in the hospital. Mom was a nurse and was able to provide the basics but, in the end, we lose the house, car and everything else that’s not tied down and end up on public assistance in public housing. Yes, there was a lot of tension and even when the boat ended up in a positive position there was never a catching up with medical bills into the thousands that took almost thirty years to pay off. In that time real work was never available that he could do. He ended up with a stroke in his fifties, several small heart attacks, and passing away at 69 years of age.

Not once did I ever hear my mother complain.

Dad use to say, “behind every great man is a great woman.”- The woman makes the man great who in turn makes the woman complete.

The key to surviving poorer or richer is always the basis of any relationship; selflessness.  

The heart of any marriage is understanding that I make my marriage great when I make the other person great and not myself. They in turn will make me be the best version of myself and as I invest in to their life they invest into mine.

We call that a successful marriage.

When one makes more withdrawals than deposits, eventually the other person goes bankrupt.

So it’s not the lack of money or the abundance of money that makes or breaks the relationship but the character of the person you married.

Before your married what are you looking for? The person who seeks your best and you in turn do the same. Once your married all you can do is pray God is working on them and be prepared to go through the valleys with them as they go through the fires of refinement, and remember you chose this person and now your walking along side wherever they go. Marriage is about teamwork; raising a functional family requires that the two adults are functional first. We pass on our dysfunctionality to our children and its no wonder our children become just like us. We must be the kind of people we want our own children to be. Being richer or poorer is a tool God uses to produce in us his values, ones that our children learn from and model. Yes it’s a lot of work so who wants to live alone because that is your only other option if you do not want to work at being the best person God designed you to be. You’re a work in progress yes, our whole lives is a work in progress but it’s better to start the marriage relationship as whole people and not broken and wounded. We owe it to our children to give them the best chance of having a successful life.

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